I’ve been in Varanasi now for the past couple days.
I have such mixed feelings. It’s incredible to be here in this ancient, holy place but I keep feeling this pull. I can feel myself being drawn back to Kolkata.
I think sometimes the hardest thing is to have to sit with feelings you can’ t do anything about in the moment. Sometimes you have to sit with feelings of bittersweetness, with that tight feeling in your sternum that makes it difficult to breathe and the kind of realities that leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
We can always do more to enhance the freedom of others but you can’t always live caught up and immersed in others daily struggles.
Right now, I’m trying to stay in the present moment as much as possible and acknowledge this pull I feel to the children and women in Kolkata but still live my life.
I’m trying to focus on how they’ve impacted my life and will continue to. They humble me and inspire me. They ground me. They remind me to give thanks. They make me grateful for the freedom I was born with, for the opportunities I’ve been given. For the generous and kind people that fill my life.
I am grateful I get to begin each morning with a 6am yoga practice on a balcony overlooking the Ganges. I’m able to do a practice for myself and am reminded it doesn’t matter if things aren’t perfect. My practice is my time to feel alive, loved and free - to deeply appreciate this. To soak in this time I’ve been given. To meditate for others, to send out my energy - to focus my compassion on those I can’t physically be with right now.
And this place allows me to honor them and honor Anila.
Varanasi is a place that celebrates and honors both life and death. You can see it in visiting the Ghats that celebrate mother ganga and also in the burning Ghats, where bodies are cremated and their ashes thrown in the Ganges. It’s filled with temples honoring Lord Shiva who is the destroyer of the world, following Brahma the creator and Vishnu the preserver. Varanasi is a city devoted to and dedicated to honoring Shiva and you can see how much Shiva means to the people here.
“Shiva is responsible for change both in the form of death and destruction and in the positive sense of destroying the ego and shedding old habits and attachments. All that has a beginning by necessity much have an end. In destruction, truly nothing is destroyed but the illusion of individuality. Thus the power of destruction associated with Lord Shiva has great purifying power, both on a more personal level and on a more universal level. Destruction opens the path for a new creation of the universe, a new opportunity for beauty to unfold.”
I can see the importance and feel the meaning these temples carry for the people here. And I was able to feel it myself. Feel the potential for renewal.
My morning was spent visiting these Shiva temples. Honoring the capacity we all have to let go of our ego and to begin again each day with new intentions, with more compassion, with a new perspective.
We are all capable of change and each day gives us another opportunity to reprioritize our life and act on these new intentions.
I was able to spend time at Manikarnika and Harishchandra Ghat in the afternoon, which are the burning ghats where cremations take place.
Harishchandra Ghat is the smaller one. This ghat can be used by all religions and castes whereas the primary cremation ghat, Manikarnika Ghat, is reserved for Hindus. They may host up to 200 cremations a day at Manikarna.
These two burning ghats are situated near the centre of the city - highlighting the deep importance and meaning that death carries here in Varanasi. According to the Hindu belief, dying and being cremated in Varanasi allows you to reach moksha. This is the state of liberation/escape from the cycle of rebirth and death, loss of egoistic self and union with Brahman. It’s the hope of every Hindu to achieve this state.
Cremation is a very meaningful ritual for Hindus and involves a sensitive interaction with gods in which the loved one is given to the divinities. The cremation is never seen as simply disposing of the body. By burning the dead body, the spiritual essence of an individual is released from the physical body so that the cycle of rebirth and death can continue.
Special funeral rites, known as Antyeshti Sanskara, are performed at the cremation. The loved one is dressed in new clothes, the body is covered with flowers and garlands and drops of holy Ganga water can be put into their mouth. In the city of Varanasi, you can often see groups of men, all dressed in white, carrying a decorated bier with a loved one on it on their way to the cremation grounds.
Only men take part in the cremation ceremony and they are all close relatives of the loved one that passed. No women are allowed in the area where the bodies are actually burned. And from talking with Sunil, the very kind guide I had with from Varanasi, women traditionally do not attend funerals but this is beginning to change in urban India.
At the cremation grounds, a pyre is prepared where the loved one is laid. The chief mourner, who is usually the eldest son, will walk around the body five times to represent the five elements (fire, earth, water, air and ether). These need to be given back to their source. He will sprinkle Ganga water across the body, plaace some sandalwood on it and then light the fire—an intensely emotional moment for most Hindus. The first fire, mukhagni, is ritually lit at the mouth.
To burn a body, about 360 kg of wood is needed and the cremation lasts for three hours. Walking through Marnikarna-you can see where they weigh the wood and the massive stacks of wood that’s been collected for the pyres.
After the burning is complete, the chief mourner and others will douse the pyre with water from the river. They gather the ashes and fragments of bones in an urn and will go down the ghats to empty them into the Ganga.
Sunil was also explaining, there are some people who aren’t allowed to be cremated here in Varanasi. They’re already considered pure and don’t need to be further purified by fire. They include children under a certain age because their souls are still pure, people suffering from smallpox as well as lepers because the gods already retained them, pregnant women because they carry a new life in their body, people bitten by a cobra because they may come back to life and holy men/priests because their souls are also pure. They are taken in a boat to the middle of the Ganga, tied to a stone and buried deep at the bottom of the river.
And some sadly, can’t afford to be cremated here in Varanasi. It costs 5,000 rupees to be cremated here at the Marnikarna ghat. Sanil was telling me some may put loved ones that have passed into the Ganga without cremation and so sometimes, sadly, you may see them in the river.
When I visited, I could see from a nearby balcony that they were burning a body. I felt a calm visit me, to see someone’s life being honored, to see how all of us will return to the earth at some point - makes me recognize how special the time I have now is. Very I’m grateful for this time I’ve been given.
And very grateful I was able to say a prayer for Anila. Ami tomake bhalobashi Anila. You're in my thoughts and meditations.
The picture below is what Marnikarna looks like when it's not monsoon season. Currently it's so flooded you can't see the ghats at all and the river level is at the buildings.
In the evening I was able to visit the Dashashwamedh Ghat where every evening they perform a ceremony honoring mother ganga, celebrating life. Young girls and boys will sell flowers with candles you can place on the river as you say a prayer or make a wish.
People from all over the world, are brought together by this ceremony. You could feel how much meaning this ceremony carries for Hindus and just by recognizing this you feel this connection to those around you.
Usually the ceremony is performed right on the ghats, the stones steps leading down to the river. But because it’s monsoon season all of the ghats are completely flooded. So instead everyone there for the ceremony will watch from the river. There are all these boats connected, so you’ll step your way across the water, from boat to boat, to find a seat in the middle.
In Hindu mythology water is the source of life and creation, which is why rivers and riverbanks are considered to be holy. Especially the riverbanks of Varanasi. This is why the river is personified as a goddess and is called “Mother Ganga”.
To be able to begin the morning with a grounding yoga practice, honor Anila, celebrate life and the potential we all carry for transformation all in one day has been a real privilege.