For the past month Urmi Basu, the founder of New Light, has been traveling, raising awareness about New Light, human trafficking and the safety of the children and women in the Red Light District. But she just returned to Kolkata yesterday.
She had heard about the work I’ve been doing with New Light and wanted to speak with me before I left.
It’s one thing to read about someone like Urmi, but to get a chance to talk with her in person was both surreal and a real honor. I had been able to speak with her in passing on my first day here but today, we were able to have an in depth conversation. We were able to simply talk with each other, woman to woman.
I wanted to express the immense amount of respect I have for her, the children, the staff of New Light and also the women here in the Red Light District.
And I wanted her to know where this respect originates from. How I understand the scars one assault leaves on a person and how deep they go. I’ve seen it in my work with SafeHouse, I’ve seen it in family and friends and I’ve experienced it myself. Some pain will always stay with you, but it does not have to dictate the rest of your life or define who you are.
I wanted to share that I’ve experienced the profound ripple effects one assault has on your life. But I will only ever understand a piece of what these women endure. The women in the Red Light District endure not one, but multiple assaults each day, compounded by years of working on the streets. That one piece of understanding though, gives me such respect for them.
And in response to this, she first thanked me for sharing - then she opened up. She felt comfortable enough with me to be completely vulnerable and this was such a gift. In her Ted Talk in Spain, for the first time, she was planning on sharing her history and that she is a survivor of sexual assault herself. She shared the struggle she went through before giving the talk, debating with herself, what she should do, should she be honest or not.
She said it’s because of what she’s endured that she feels she can give the women of the Red Light District a voice. And why in the end, she ended up sharing her own history of sexual assault at the Ted Talk.
I wanted to make a point of saying thank you to Urmi. Because simply sharing your story takes courage, especially with someone you barely know.
And when I speak with any survivor, I love to share this quote from Little Bee by Chris Cleave.
“On the girl's brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, Do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.”
Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. The next thing you know something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile.”
To see you smile Urmi, to see you turn what happened to you into a way to help the overwhelming number of women trapped in the trafficking world is deeply humbling.
If you take the time to speak with someone, give of yourself and listen with your whole body and with an open mind you realize we are all human beings and we are all connected somehow. There will always be a part of someone’s story that will resonate with a part of you and that you can empathize with.
And speaking with a fellow survivor creates an immediate bond, an immediate deep connection.
We’re going to stay in touch, Urmi and I. She plans on establishing a shelter for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence here in Kolkata and creating a hospice for women with HIV/AIDS. She shared she would love for me to return to work in both once they’ve been established. And she asked if I would write a post about my time here for the New Light blog.
The whole experience with Urmi was an immense honor.
And for the past couple nights, I’ve been at Sonar Tori, teaching yoga, breathing exercises and meditation classes for the girls.
Here’s a quote I found on meditation, one I wanted to make sure to share with the girls.
One of the main things that happens when you meditate is that regret starts to surface and you start to think about your life. Meditation neutralizes denial after awhile and opens up the circuits and things start to flow in, and then you begin to realize that regret is a distortion of what’s real. What’s real is that this is your life, and it happened, and there’s no going back. There’s only altering your attitude and perception about it so you can go forward. –Lewis Richmond, “Aging as a Spiritual Practice”
These women have such immensely challenging pasts. And they’re never going away, what happened will always be there, sometimes just below the surface. But I strongly believe what has happened to them, does not have to dictate the rest of their life or define who they are.
I believe the compassion, the dedication and the focus you practice on the mat you carry with you into your day-to-day life. The peace you find on the mat, the acceptance, the strength you discover within yourself stays with you throughout the day.
I wanted to share this with the young women. That yoga and meditation is something they can continue to do for themselves and it will carry over into their daily lives. That in our stressful, busy lives, even taking ten minutes to do sun salutations and meditate can make a difference.
And I wanted to stress that they deserve to make time for themselves.
I was able to say good bye to each young woman. Take time to speak with each of them, listen with my whole body and say ami tomake bhalobashi.
I’m learning I have a very difficult time with good byes. But it makes it a little easier, since I’ll be able to stay in touch with the young women from Sonar Tori.
I will never forget their resilience, their stories, how they felt comfortable opening up with me and how they're still able to laugh-a deep in the gut kind of laugh-after everything they've been through.