The most beautiful people I have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. –Elizabeth Kubler Ros
For the past several nights I’ve been teaching yoga and meditation for the girls at Sonar Tori. And these girls are the kind of beautiful people Elizabeth speaks about.
I was able to speak with the same young woman from Monday and I was able to listen. Many times, people simply want someone to listen to them.
She was only 13 when she was trafficked and forced to work as a sex worker for 3 years. She’s 22 now. But she said there are still nights where she wakes up and she can feel their hands on her.
In my work with SafeHouse Center, I will meet with survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault immediately after an assault takes place. My role is to be there in whatever way they need and to keep the focus on their story, their experience. They’re vulnerable and overwhelmed and to hear someone else’s story, even if it’s only to let them know I understand would be too much. I always try to listen more than I talk in these cases. You can be warm and empathetic and show them in the way you listen, they way you respond with no judgment and give them your undivided attention that you care. It’s not the right place or time to say what happened to me.
But with this young woman, or survivors of trauma who have been recovering for months or years, I may share my story if they ask or if I have the feeling they would be more comfortable sharing with someone who has been through a similar experience. I still want to listen more than I speak and I always stress that I simply want them to feel safe with me, I care about what they have to say and I understand, at least a piece of what they’re going through.
I’ve found it’s a relief sometimes to speak with a fellow survivor. There are some things you know the person understands without having to say anything.
With this young woman I wanted to tell her I admire the courage it takes to share her story. Because I know how difficult it can be to even begin telling it. I wanted her to know I have a deep respect for her, for what she’s accomplished, for what she wants to do with her life and how she’s not letting what happened to her dictate her life. I have a deep respect because I know how difficult that can be. You can have every intention of living a life you choose and you enjoy but the memories and initial trauma will still seep back in. I wanted her to know it's ok, tik ache, to be experiencing everything that she is, to please be patient with herself because recovering from trauma is a process. Because I know how difficult it is to be patient with yourself.
I wanted her to know she’s not alone - I understand there’s nothing I can say that will take away what happened or make the pain go away but please know you are not alone.
She held my hand and said, you're not alone either. This woman has a uniquely beautiful soul.
I wanted to thank her for simply being, for being the women she was. And remind her that she is surrounded by people who care about her, the girls here at Sonar Tori, at New Light. Me. And I know New Light has counselors, so I wanted to stress, when you're ready, I know they would love to be able to talk with you and to listen.
Through extensive research, yoga, breathing exercises and mindfulness meditation have been show to positively influence numerous psychiatric, psychosomatic and stress related symptoms, including anxiety, depression, chronic pain… And in my research before I left for India I found additional articles citing the positive influence these can have on trauma survivors and those still experiencing PTSD. So to be able to teach a class for these young women, to introduce a new way of coping with their backgrounds and to see them invested in the class is a privilege.
We were able to ease into the class and began by focusing on our breathing. I always want to to teach a class that's guided by them. I like to remind them they are in control of how they move through the practice, they have a say in how it’s run and it is making them into stronger women.
And simply by doing the practice they’re saying I’m worthy. I deserve my love and affection as much as anybody else.
Because yoga is not about executing poses perfectly, or having the best balance. Yoga is connecting with your self. Yoga is like learning to breathe again. Or that moment when you jump out of bed in the morning, rush outside and do the sun salutation and you’re blinded by how utterly brilliant the world can be. Yoga is taking a moment from your stressful, up-beat life and remembering you have a soul that needs tending to. –author unknown
I always want these girls to feel comfortable being themselves and laughing as much as they want. Because I know how much they love to laugh. I want this to be a time for them to feel safe in their bodies, to simply be able to focus on their breathe and let go of any stress or tension they may be holding onto.
We always end the class with Namaste.
And again, when I say Namaste I return to its purpose, its core intention. I bow to you. I bring my palms together, my hands to my heart chakra, the wellspring of compassion in all of us, and I honor that place. That place we all share and that has such great capacity for good, for selflessness, for simple, true kindness.
After each class the girls made chai and we simply talked-about the practice, about what they would like incorporated into the next class, how they're feeling and about anything that comes to mind. It's very easy to talk with these women.
One of the young women was sharing how she grew up in different hostels and her education was sponsored by different non-profits. She’s finished with the equivalent of college in the states and is now applying for her masters in education. But each time she graduated, she never knew if she would be able to go on to more schooling. And if you graduate from Grade 12, high school, you won’t be able to find a job that allows you to become independent and self-sufficient, especially as a woman. Those jobs require at least a college degree.
Her life was always very uncertain. In talking with her, with New Light, if gives you a close look at the role education plays in these young women's lives. Many time, for these girls, it is the difference between being able to provide for yourself or ending up in the red light district.
Camilla, another one of the volunteers here has spent time working in hospitals in Ghana and with street children in Kenya. She still has six months left of nursing school so she’s still living on a budget. But she can afford to sponsor one of the children she was working with in Kenya. It’s been incredibly difficult for her though. Because this isn’t simply funding a child you’ve never met. She has to choose out of all the children she worked with for months, one child that she can put through school. And choosing one child over another, may mean another child, won’t have the same opportunities and simply won’t be able to receive a secondary education. How do you choose?
It comes down to knowing you can make a difference for one or none of them. But this doesn' t make it any easier to choose.
Especially when you’ve seen up close, the profound impact an education has on these young people. I grew up with the expectation I was going to college. But even if I didn’t there were still opportunities for me. For these young women, coming from incredibly poor backgrounds, with no support network, they don’t have anyone to rely on except for themselves. They have to get a university degree if they’re going to become completely self reliant and no longer be at risk of returning to the red light district.
Makes me deeply appreciate the support, the opportunities I was given from birth, that these women had to fight for. And I wish they didn't have to. These opportunities, the opportunity to feel safe in your home, around your home, to have a strong support network, to get an education... they should be, need to be a right.